Juvenile Offenders

protecting-children

What about the Risk of Other Youths?
(5th of 7 posts on child sexual abuse prevention)

Before addressing the issue of juvenile offenders…
Have you considered signing up for the May 9th training?

This is an excellent presentation/training on the subject, and the ONLY evidence based program of its kind. Thousands of adults have taking the training nationwide. Click here for testimonials from Cape Cod parents and professionals who took this training with Tracy Lamperti.

This is a training NOT TO MISS for any parent or caretaker of children!

MKPweb-208

Thursday, May 9th, 6-9pm
$25 per person
Location to be announced – central to Orleans

Register Now with Paypal at http://www.tracylamperti.com
or by mailing payment directly to:
Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS
57 Route 6A
Orleans, MA 02653

REGISTRATION DEADLINE
APRIL 28th

Juvenile Offenders – Epidemic Proportions!

• 34% of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by juveniles. In fact, 7% of sexual abuse is perpetrated by youth under the age of 12 (Snyder, 2000).

• The younger the child victim, the more likely it is that the perpetrator is a juvenile. Juveniles are the offenders in 43% of assaults on children under age 6. 14% of these offenders are under the age of 12 (Snyder, 2000).

When your child is with another child…

• Is there adult supervision, if so, how closely monitored?
• Is there are size, personality, age or other power imbalance between your child and the other child?
• Is your child easily led or a “tattle-tail?” (Tattle-tails fair better).
• Is your child very shy, or very open? If they are very shy they may not speak up, but they also may not be targeted by another youth, for fear that they will go “running to mommy.” If they are very open they may be a loud-mouth, running to mommy, OR they may be willing to gleefully try just about anything.
• IS YOUR CHILD IN A ONE:ONE SITUATION WITH ANOTHER YOUTH? Older children seen as “mentors” or “leaders in training” as many of the camp programs have, are often seen as a very positive influence for young children. While most older youth who are placed in this position WILL in fact be an excellent role model, some will not and pose a very high risk to younger children.
• Do you have an open door policy when cousins and friends are playing together in your home or in their home? Incidents of sexual experimentation and games played where there is an imbalance of power and secrets are forced to be kept present a large number of experiences where children are exposed to things that are not appropriate sexually, like pornography, or where they are pressured into sexual acts.
• Is the internet only available to your children at your home and friend’s homes in a public area?

Yes, to address many of these questions you are going to have to broach the subject with friends and relatives. How do you tell your sister-in-law that when your child is at their home with the cousins, the door needs to remain open? Or that the internet ready devices need to be tabled in the kitchen when the children go into the bedrooms or playrooms?

How do you ask the camp director if your child will be participating with older youth or leaders-in-training programs?

How do you ask your child’s friend’s mom if doors will remain open at the slumber party?

Another aspect of the problem is our (rather, the culture’s) tendency to want to wash away the issue with the mentality, “boy-will-be-boys.” Or, “They were just experimenting.” Or, “It’s normal curiosity.”

When I work with adults and couples with current issues of sexual difficulties in their life, and we draw a roadmap of sexual experiences from the first memory of a message they got about sex, these are the experiences that most frequently come up; “I remember being in a dimly lit room at my cousin’s house with my cousins and brother. I was just little. They were playing this game with me…..” I don’t think I need to continue.

Sadly, over many years as a therapist, I have heard story after story where an adult has had their first sexual experience as a child with a youth relative or friend, RIGHT IN THE BEDROOM OF THEIR HOME WITH THEIR PARENTS AWAKE IN ANOTHER PART OF THE HOUSE.

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Please, if these informational posts are triggering you because sexual abuse has touched your life in a personal way, now is the time to seek assistance. “IT IS THE SILENCE THAT POISONS OUR FAMILIES” (Former Miss America, Marilyn van Derbur, Stewards of Children)

I urge every parent to take this training or call me directly for assistance. Between my services, other qualified professionals, Children’s Cove, Independence House, and others, every adult; parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle….should be trained, along with EVERY person providing any level of care to a minor.

This is an empowerment program, not a paranoia or scare based program. Even given the numbers of 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys being sexually abused before their 18th birthday, it is important to keep a sense of perspective. While we have to keep in mind that there are offenders in the local community, the vast majority of people do not sexually abuse children. Our #1 defense and method to keep children safe in our community is to begin to talk about CSA and educate ourselves about CSA.

It is an adult responsibility to protect children from sexual abuse!

By Tracy Lamperti,
Psychotherapist, Educator, Consultant

Please see http://www.tracylamperti.com for more information about working with children and families or specifically about sexual abuse.
If you would like 1:1 assistance, please contact Tracy Lamperti for a consultation.

Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS
Psychotherapist, Educator, Consultant

My Blog
My Website
lamperticc@gmail.com
774-722-5919

Bike Helmets

bikehelmet

 

As I traveled close behind my seven year old daughter today on a fun bike ride to the Hot Chocolate Sparrow, I watched as she curved to the left, dropped to the ground and her head (covered by her bike helmet), smashed on the pavement and literally bounced!  It all seemed to happen in slow motion.  I was terrified, at the same time as telling myself “she has a helmet on.”  As I went to her and determined that she was basically ok, aside from a scraped and bruised knuckle and she herself being terrified that she must have hurt her head, I was filled with gratefulness and thanksgiving that, but for the helmet, my little girl would be laying there with a severe head injury.

So I am taking this opportunity to promote not just the helmet, and not just the helmet for children, but the proper fit for the helmet.  I am probably not alone in saying that I have seen many children with “floppy” helmets, helmets dipped forward, helmets tipped way back, and rarely with children, but often with adults, NO HELMET AT ALL, sorry to say, myself included.

For some odd reason, before we left today I decided to put my own helmet on, AND I strapped a really goofy looking half-milk-crate onto my bike rack and said, “I can put the first aid kit in there!”  Thank God I didn’t need my helmet and didn’t really need the first aid kit, but I HAD THEM!

This was a very good lesson for my daughter, and myself about helmets.  While neither of my children have every questioned the need to wear their helmet, today my daughter and myself got an up close and personal lesson on the vital necessity of the helmet.  I won’t soon forget the image and sound of her head (helmet) smashing on the pavement, nor will she forget the feel and sound of her head, in it’s little “helmet home,” smashing on the pavement.

Every time she complains about her sore hand I just start overflowing with gratefulness about the gift of the helmet and her hand feels better!

Here are a couple of links that might be helpful;

http://sportsmedicine.about.com/od/injuryprevention/a/BikeHelmetFit.htm

http://www.nhtsa.gov/people/injury/pedbimot/bike/easystepsweb/index.htm

Please, make sure your children and yourself have a properly fitted bike helmet and that you wear it every time, as I now will!

 

Why Doesn’t the Child Tell Someone?

protecting-children

73% of child victims do not tell anyone about the abuse for at least a year.
45% of victims do not tell anyone for at least 5 years. Some never disclose
(Smith et al., 2000; Broman-Fulks et al., 2007).

WHY?

The child was “groomed” so well that they didn’t even know that they were being sexually abused. (see last week’s post about “grooming.”)

The boundaries are so loose in the child’s life that things were allowed to happen without the child realizing it wasn’t appropriate; showering together, witnessing adults having sex, being exposed to pornography or even milder sexual images.

More often, sexual abuse does not physically hurt the child. If the offender caused physical pain child would be more likely to
have observable symptoms and the child would be less likely to come near the offender.

Parents are busy and even very good parents can leave their child with someone who gives them a “gut feeling” that something isn’t right, whether that is a relative or paid provider.

It is hard for parents to speak up about things that are wrong.
How much harder can it be for a child?

As parents may fear that others will see their concerns as ridiculous, children fear that they might be wrong, get in trouble, or not be believed and even worry that the offender might get in trouble.

When abuse has occurred more than a few times, the child might feel guilty. Since they didn’t say something the first time, they must have wanted to do it and feel they have to keep the secret now.

These are just some of the reasons that children do not tell.

Remember, most offenders are “Tricky People.” Most offenders know that in order to get what they want, they need to play their cards right by choosing the right family, the right child, the right words, the right locations, the right times, the right tricks.

table

Next week I will address the epidemic of juvenile offenders.

Please, if these informational posts are triggering you because sexual abuse has touched your life in a personal way, now is the time to seek assistance. “IT IS THE SILENCE THAT POISONS OUR FAMILIES” (Former Miss America, Marilyn van Derbur, Stewards of Children)

I urge every parent to take this training or call me directly for assistance. Between my services, other qualified professionals, Children’s Cove, Independence House, and others, every adult; parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle….should be trained, along with EVERY person providing any level of care to a minor.

This is an empowerment program, not a paranoia or scare based program. Even given the numbers of 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys being sexually abused before their 18th birthday, it is important to keep a sense of perspective. While we have to keep in mind that there are offenders in the local community, the vast majority of people do not sexually abuse children. Our #1 defense and method to keep children safe in our community is to begin to talk about CSA and educate ourselves about CSA.

It is an adult responsibility to protect children from sexual abuse!

Click here for testimonials from Cape Cod parents and professionals who took this training with Tracy Lamperti.

 

What: Stewards of Children Training

When: Thursday, May 9th, 6-9pm

Where: Orleans Area, specific location to be announced.

$25 per person

Click Here to Register Online

Register Now with Paypal
or by mailing payment directly to:
Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS
57 Route 6A
Orleans, MA 02653

By Tracy Lamperti,
Psychotherapist, Educator, Consultant

Please see http://www.tracylamperti.com for more information about working with children and families or specifically about sexual abuse.
If you would like 1:1 assistance, please contact Tracy Lamperti for a consultation.

What About Tickling? Gateways to the Victim

protecting-children
There are a percentage of sexual offenders/perpetrators/criminals that snatch a child or make a sexual move on a child, all at once and without any precursory behaviors. Here, we are talking about the creepy guy sitting in the white van or the guy in the trench coat at the park. We most definitely need to safeguard against these very disastrous acts of crime. However, only 5% of sexual abuse is perpetrated by a stranger *(Snyder, 2000).

56% of those that sexually abuse a child are acquaintances of either the child or the family (Snyder, 2000). Gateways to the victim, also called “grooming” is the act of
successive, thought out strategies used by a perpetrator with the victim and/or the family in order to facilitate their being able to carry out the acts of sexual abuse on the child with the highest probability of being able to do it without getting caught. While not all adults who tickle children are paving the way to sexually abuse them, tickling is a good example of the grooming process.

When trust can be won over and defenses can be disarmed, the offender is then able to have their way with the child. With the example of tickling, the perpetrator is able to publicly and/or privately tickle just a little bit. The act is carried out cheerfully and playfully. In this “controlled experiment” the offender is able to see if anyone is going to set a limit, “Oh, Uncle John, we have a ‘no tickling rule’ in our family. Stop tickling Sam.” Some parents fear that others will see them as ridiculous.

“Everyone is having fun…what is your problem??” When no one puts the brakes on the behavior, Uncle John then has a slip of the hand. He then observes whether the child says anything when their “private part” is rubbed, or if any adults notice. If so, he promptly apologizes and calls it an accident and he knows to be more careful next time, take another route or choose another child/family. If not, now that they are having loads of fun, Uncle John begins to pick the child up, play more hands on games and has successfully disarmed the child and the adults to the point that everyone is comfortable, or, a new norm has been set with Uncle John that people may not be comfortable with, but, “…it’s just Uncle John.” Uncle John is now able to take it to the next level. Sometimes the “grooming” process can go on for months before any act of reportable sexual abuse is committed. Often, the lines of  what is appropriate and what is over the line become very blurred. Once a reportable act of sexual abuse HAS occurred, the child often feels responsible, in that they have never said anything before, so who would believe them now. There are many more examples of “grooming” and what you should know.

Next week I will address the lies that a perpetrator actually tells the child about the abuse. Please, if these informational posts are triggering you because sexual abuse has touched your life in a personal way, now is the time to seek assistance. “IT IS THE SILENCE THAT POISONS OUR FAMILIES” (Former Miss America, Marilyn van Derbur, Stewards of Children) I urge every parent to take this training or call me directly for assistance. Between my services, other qualified professionals, Children’s Cove ,Independence House, and others, every adult; parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle….should be trained, along with EVERY person providing any level of care to a minor. *Snyder, H. N. (2000). Sexual assault of young children as reported to law enforcement: Victim, incident, and offender characteristics. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, Bureau of Justice Statistics.

 

What: Stewards of Children Training

When: Thursday, May 9th, 6-9pm

Where: Orleans Area, specific location to be announced.

$25 per person

Click Here to Register Online

This is an empowerment program, not a paranoia or scare based program. Even given the numbers of 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys being sexually abused before their 18th birthday, it is important to keep a sense of perspective. While we have to keep in mind that there are offenders in the local community, the vast majority of people do not sexually abuse children. Our #1 defense and method to keep children safe in our community is to begin to talk about CSA and educate ourselves about CSA. It is an adult responsibility to protect children from sexual ab

Click here for testimonials from Cape Cod parents and professionals who took this training with Tracy Lamperti.
Thursday, May 9th , 6-9pm
$25 per person
Location to be announced – central to Orleans

One on One Situations

protecting-children
The Stewards of Children training offers SO much important information.

About the MOST important thing you will learn in this training is about situations where children would potentially be exposed to One on One Situations.
• A One on One situation is any situation where your child would be alone with an adult, older child, bigger child, or child that your child might perceive as more dominant, even if that child is younger or smaller.
•Potential One on One situations might be as follows:

Your child has to use the bathroom and his whole class is on the playground;

Your child skins their knee and is taken for a bandade;

Your child is acting out and needs to be removed from the group;

All of the other children have been picked up and your child is the last one, waiting with the last teacher;

Your child is taken out of the classroom for special help or a music lesson; These are just some examples. Challenge yourself to think of others.
•What should you do about One on One situations?
1. First, you should attend the next Stewards of Training Workshop (see below); three of your valuable hours spent learning to protect your dear child.
2. You should ask anyone who provides care to your child, “What is the policy about ‘one on one situations’ in your program (school, music studio, recreation department…).

IF they respond right away with an explanation, you know you are on the right track. If they tilt their head, squint their eyes, ask what you mean, etc. EITHER THEY HAVEN’T BEEN TRAINED AND/OR THEY DON’T HAVE A POLICY.

At minimum, you are looking for knowledge in their response and you are looking for buzz words, about any one on one situation being “observable” and “interruptible.”

In these days, with all of the headlines, programs should be able to field questions like this without a pause.

There are definite next steps to take in either scenario, but too lengthy for this blog post. I urge you to take the training or contact me for more information.

This is an empowerment program, not a paranoia or scare based program. Even given the numbers of 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys being sexually abused before their 18th birthday, it is important to keep a sense of perspective. While we have to keep in mind that there are offenders in the local community, the vast majority of people do not sexually abuse children. Our #1 defense and method to keep children safe in our community is to begin to talk about CSA and educate ourselves about CSA. I double and triple urge every parent to take this training or call me directly for assistance. Between my services, other qualified professionals, Children’s Cove Independence House, and others, every adult; parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle….should be trained, along with EVERY person providing any level of care to a minor.  It is an adult responsibility to protect children from sexual abuse!  Click here for testimonials from Cape Cod parents and professionals who took this training with Tracy Lamperti.

 

What: Stewards of Children Training

When: Thursday, May 9th, 6-9pm

Where: Orleans Area, specific location to be announced.

$25 per person

Click here to Register Online
or by mailing payment directly to:
Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS
57 Route 6A
Orleans, MA 02653

Protecting Children

protecting-children
It is SO important to teach your child about “good touch/bad touch,”

trusting their instincts and what to do if they feel uncomfortable.
BUT, it is NOT your child’s responsibility to protect themselves from being sexually misused by someone.

It is an adult responsibility!
Equip yourself with the knowledge to address this difficult topic with confidence. Sign up for the next Stewards of Children training:

Thursday, May 9th , 6-9pm
$25 per person
Location to be announced – central to Orleans

It is SO important to teach your child about “good touch/bad touch,”

trusting their instincts and what to do if they feel uncomfortable.
BUT, it is NOT your child’s responsibility to protect themselves from

being sexually misused by someone.
It is an adult responsibility!

Equip yourself with the knowledge to address this difficult topic with confidence. Sign up for the next Stewards of Children training:

 

What: Stewards of Children Training

When: Thursday, May 9th, 6-9pm

Where: Orleans Area, specific location to be announced.

$25 per person

Click here to Register Online

Is your child 3 months old and you are forced to return to work and choose a day care setting?
Is your child 3 years old and entering preschool?
How about a 5 year old entering grade school?
Or an 8 year old starting piano lessons?
Maybe a 12 year old going to summer camp?
Or a 15 year old going away for the weekend with a church youth group?
Are you a caretaker of OTHER people’s children who hasn’t taken an evidence-based training? Don’t let any more time go by. You WILL encounter this topic at some point. Why not equip yourself NOW!
Stay Tuned for my next 7 weeks of blog posts. They will all cover one aspect of child sexual abuse.

By: Tracy Lamperti, Psychotherapist, Educator, Consultant
Please see www.tracylamperti.com for more information about working with children and families or specifically about sexual abuse.

If you would like 1:1 assistance, please contact Tracy Lamperti for a consultation.
Tracy Lamperti, LMHC, BCETS
Psychotherapist, Educator, Consultant
My Blog: http://www.tracylamperti.com/blog.php
My Website: http://www.tracylamperti.com
lamperticc@gmail.com
774-722-5919